it's incredible to me that God maps out our entire lives before we are born, knowing each and every turn, bump, valley and mountain we will make our way through. before i was born, he knew the number of hairs on my head, how tall i was going to be, what i would weigh, what my strengths and weaknesses would be and what would make my heart do flips of joy. he knew the exact moment i would realize i can't do it on my own and let him take over my life.
he knew where i'd go to high school, he knew where i'd go to college, and he knew i would join tri delta. he would know that i'd fall in love with the university of mississippi at age 15, have my mind dead set on going there, and ultimately end up transferring to baylor university. he knew that it would take me until age 19 to figure out that I'M SO NOT IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE-- and that seriously rocks.
it makes me simultaneously freak out and be at peace when i think about how my plans aren't usually God's plans. on one hand, i like to know what's going to happen and when i don't know, i stress out. but on the other hand, my heart is at rest-- my very best plans aren't even on the same scale of the wonderful things my heavenly Father has in store for me. #gojesusgojesusgo
i took my first visit to ole miss the fall of my sophomore year of high school and never looked back. i know my friends were beyond annoyed with how much i talked about it-- the grove, the boys, the campus, the city... i mean come on. what more does a 15 year old girl need? i was also the first one in our class to know where she was going to college. the possibility of me going somewhere other than ole miss was never a possibility. my dad made me apply to baylor, but he couldn't even get me out of the car for a visit (thank youuuu, regents/freshman year mission trip to waco.) i got a big scholarship too-- i can still hear my dad saying, "haley.. are you SURE you don't want to go to baylor..?"
one night towards the end of the school year, i had a freak out. what if i wasn't supposed to go to ole miss? what if i was actually supposed to be at baylor? i surely couldn't turn back now-- ole miss is the school! i don't know why i had a freak out that night, but looking back, it makes me giggle. even if i missed the mark the first time and went to mississippi when i should've gone to baylor right off the bat, the Lord's plans are the ones that are ultimately established. only God knows if i missed the mark or not, but i learned so much during my freshman year about loving others. i learned to embrace the uncomfortable and the loneliness and how to deal with the awkwardness (semi-well), and i made such sweet sweet friends. i'm beginning to develop a more adventurous spirit, too. most of all, though, i have learned that this life is never perfect. things aren't always going to go according to plan, and i need to chase after new adventures with Jesus with childlike faith and a twinkle in my eye. even though i don't know what the road ahead of me looks like, He does know, and it is good-- and that's enough for me. following Him to waco, texas is the new adventure, y'all.. he is gracious; he will provide.
"every day God invites us on the same type of adventure. it's not a trip where he sends us a rigid itinerary, he simply invites us. God asks us what it is he's made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world he made. and then, leaning over to us, he whispers, 'let's go do that together." | bob goff
